


Nothing Has To Change

by Akaroku



Category: Radiata Stories
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depends on how you look at it, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaroku/pseuds/Akaroku
Summary: If there was one real legitimate complaint he could make, it was how the preferential treatment was also starting to make him feel odd things...





	Nothing Has To Change

Jack’s promotion to guild Sergeant plays out a little differently than Jarvis had first anticipated. He really expects the kid to go rushing out on the first high profile mission he can get his hands on and get his entire fledgling squad maimed; or worse, killed in the process. This is fueled by the boys out right refusal of his former leaders advice. While he admits he’s not the best at his job by a long shot, Jarvis has yet to lose anyone under his command so he must be doing something right…but then again Gerald hasn’t lost anyone in a long time ether, so he supposes it’s really not unreasonable for the boy to want to follow the Deputy’s advice instead. Jack is being groomed as his “successor” after all.

Jarvis soon finds he’s not alone in his concern; however. He overhears the other sergeants offering up their own tidbits of wisdom despite Jack never asking them. At first he refuses them in much the same manner as he had Jarvis. Said man takes Jack’s disregard a little less personally now, but he still finds the boy far to arrogant for his own good. They’ve all been doing this for years and while Jack needs to learn for himself to some degree, he also needs to realize this is dangerous business they deal with on the daily. His luck won’t last forever.

Jack eventually comes around though. Whether it’s because of a too close call or because of something Gerald said, no one really knows. But he slowly starts heeding the advice of his more experienced colleagues and has even taken to bringing them along on missions with him. Most of them are willing to suck up their pride and temporarily subordinate themselves to the newest squad leader for the sake of teaching. Even Jarvis finds himself thrown in the mix when he suddenly finds himself financially indebted to the shrimp. At first he acts put out but really he’s a mix of flattered and surprised. Their last mission together as Hecton squad went royally to shit and if he were on the other end of things, he probably wouldn’t be heeding his own advice anytime soon. But Jack still takes him so there must be something he can offer.

When Jack starts getting the hang of things and has figured out his own style of effective leadership, he begins to drop the other sergeants off his party rotation. It’s not personal, they have their own squads to lead after all. Jarvis is also sure he’s worked off his debt by this point, but Jack keeps showing up and dragging him along, sometimes with Daniel, sometimes with other people Jarvis has only ever seen in passing. It’s odd, Jarvis doesn’t consider them friends per say…but well…then again maybe they are. Despite the antagonistic nature of their interactions, he did enjoy the time they spent together. Jack must have to if he was dragging him along so much, to the point that really they were doing most of their missions together when it was allowed. Over time they found their own brand of humor in their teasing and discovered they both liked passing scathing judgments of unsuspecting people far too much for their own good.

But all in all, Jarvis couldn’t complain much. He was getting more work than he had in a long time and being busy was keeping him out of the bar. Not completely, but at least he wasn’t there every night. If there was one real legitimate complaint he could make, it was how the preferential treatment was also starting to make him feel odd things. He’s beginning to feel giddy and excited at the prospect of going out on a mission with Jack. This isn’t really odd; not in a bad way, at first. If he’s truly honest with himself, he’s been rather depressed for a while now. He tells himself that he’s just accustomed to such regular positive emotions and that’s what he’s finding off putting and weird. It’s not solely Jack causing it, he’s just happier lately. That’s a good thing isn’t it?

But now he’s starting to notice things about the boy. He notices how affluent of a warrior he’s becoming and how he’s much more confident in his new position. This is normal though isn’t it? Jack used to be one of his boy’s, he should feel proud that someone from his squad has risen through the ranks. It’s certainly a better feeling than the burning jealousy he had towards him when they first met. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with this. Except it’s not long before he realizes that he’s paying a little too much attention to how the brunettes cloths cling tightly to his lithe frame. He’s a bit too interested in how flexible and springy Jack is. He’s far to fond of how pretty and expressive his large brown eyes and face are. It’s one day when Jack looks at him with those chocolate orbs, thin pink lips grinning enthusiastically at another finished job that Jarvis realizes he’s completely infatuated now…fuck.

He doesn’t need to make a list of all the reasons why this makes him depraved. He’s dirty for wanting Jack like that and he’s as ashamed as he honestly should be by the situation. It’s typical he would find a way to sully this. Jack’s friendship had been one of the better things to happen to him in a while and he of course had to find a way to throw it all to shit. But he supposed he could salvage this. He didn’t have to act out on these feelings. Sure it wouldn’t make him happy, but that wasn’t anything new. He could easily hide this behind behind booze and abrasiveness just like everything else, and no one would be the wiser for it. No, nothing had to change at all and he was fine with that.  
\----  
He’s drunk before the sun has fully set behind the horizon. It’s early for some but not an unusual thing for him by any means, though he’s sad to admit he’s gone back to his usual daily visits after finding out his less desirable feelings. Damn, and he really had been doing so much better. But it’s the only way he really knows how to deal with things that are complicated. As always the alcohol does the trick, dulling his emotions until he’s ether only angry or despondent. Tonight he’s the later, head laid sideways against the hard wood counter top and dazed eyes following the trails of condensation running down his half empty glass. The dull hum of the other bar patrons is oddly soothing, making a constant white noise that further interrupts his ability to think too hard. His mind is far from Jack right now and the swirling rush in his head is just right, leaving him euphoric without the nauseating feeling of vertigo.

He doesn’t realize he’s fallen asleep until he’s being shaken awake. He shoots up with a start, almost smacking his head back into the countertop as he surges forward in an attempt to prevent himself from falling out of his seat. The bar is much fuller than he last remembers it being and he has no idea where his unfinished drink has gone off to. But that hardly matters when he notices Jack standing next to him, looking tired and like a child sent off to do chores. It seems he has just rolled out of bed and barely had the energy to dress properly, judging by the tangles in his hair and skewed and wrinkled clothing.

“Come on, time to go home.” Jarvis feels himself being pulled out of his seat and toward the the exit. He swears he should be reacting somehow but he can’t recall what emotion he’s expected to be feeling. He remains quiet and compliant, staring blankly at Jacks face. He sees the look of relief spread across Jacks face and it steals his breath away with how sweet it looks. The look is in response to how manageable he’s being, but Jarvis can only think about how cute his bedraggled hair is and how pretty his face looks with that sleepy smile and heavy lidded eyes. It makes him giddy and he can feel a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. He can’t stop himself from throwing a heavy arm around the boys much narrower shoulders. Jack isn’t ready and stumbles under his half dead weight but is able to correct himself before they both fall.

“Jeez…” Jack wheezed under the weight of the larger man, the armor he wore didn’t help matters in the least. “Whatever, I’d rather you be stupid and silly than pissy and aggressive.” Jarvis only tittered and chortled in response, secretly enjoying the close proximity despite jacks struggle. Eventually Jack manages to cox Jarvis into bearing his own weight and instead use Jack as a guide to maintain walking in a straight line.

Jarvis babbles on incoherently as they walk down the lamp lit street. He’s not sure what he’s saying or if he’s even making sense. Regardless, Jack looks entertained so he’s not worried about it. His arm remains around Jacks shoulder and it leaves him feeling good even if it’s really only to prevent him from ending up sprawled on the ground.

“You’re in a good mood.” Jack says during a pause in the older mans talking. “What’s up with you tonight?” He doesn’t sound bothered in anyway, just amused and a little curious. Jarvis can only shrug. He looks to be lost in thought but really his mind is too jumbled to form anything complex. He looks over at Jack and suddenly stops, drawing his younger companions attention.

“Cuz, you…” The hand he had on the brunettes shoulder comes up and plants itself in his hair, ruffling it a little to harshly. “Yo…you’re good kid. You know that? Das why ‘m happy.” They’re now facing each other and maybe Jarvis is standing a little to close but Jack doesn’t say or do anything about it.

“Um, thanks? Glad that makes you happy?” There’s a slight blush tinting the boys cheeks now from the odd complement. “Ow not so hard!” Jack grabs him by the wrist when he begins to press a little to hard into his scalp. Jarvis lets out a humored snort and allows his head to lull forward until his face is pressed into Jack’s shoulder. Jack only mildly complains as the edge of his helmet scraps uncomfortably against his cheek but makes no further protests. Jarvis can hear his heart pounding in his ears and a small voice in the back of his mind is nagging at him to not take this too far. He could brush this off easily but the fluttering in his gut mixed with alcohol and the close proximity doesn’t make this a conceivable option. Instead he wraps his free arm around Jack’s torso and pulls their bodies flush against each other. Jack loosens his hold on the other arm in surprise, said arm drapes it’s self back around Jack’s shoulders.

Slowly, Jack raises his arms and clutches the back of the other mans sleeves, seemingly unsure of what else to do. He not exactly returning the affection but he also doesn’t say anything or push the other man off of him. The situation is definitely awkward, but Jarvis remains oblivious to it. The only thing his addled brain can process is how good it feels to have someone in his arms, even if there are several layers of metal and fabric in the way. He buries his face further into the crook of jacks neck and sighs contently, focusing only on the warmth spreading though his body, on how his heart is beating so fast it hurts, and how he really just wants to curl up with this boy in his bed and fall asleep holding him. He doesn’t realize he’s dozing off again until he’s jarred awake by Jack’s sudden stumble under his dead weight.

He shoots up rather abruptly and the world spins at a nauseating pace before settling down again. His vision is half obstructed by something and he blinks owlishly at the half darkness, unable to tell what’s causing the problem. It takes Jack pulling off his helmet to realize it had been knocked askew from his jarring movements.

“Jeez, you’re all over the place tonight.” Jack teases, though if the older man had been a little more with it he would have noticed the nervous tone and the way Jacks eyes wouldn’t meet his own. Instead he’s a little to distracted with watching the younger mans lips as they form the words he is speaking. He starts reacting again without thinking, threading his fingers through brunette locks and tilting the others head up and to the side. Before Jack can ask what is going on, their mouths connect in a kiss. Jack freezes, the article in his hands slipping and clattering to the ground in his surprise.

Even Jarvis’ inebriated mind can process that this has gone too far now. There’s a reason why he shouldn’t be doing this, it’s the newest addition to the list of reasons why he drinks. But his body isn’t listening, not now that he’s committed. Certainly not when Jack starts leaning into him returning his sloppy languid kisses. 

He feels overjoyed that Jack seems to be OK with this. Whatever argument his mind has against what’s going on falls silent for the moment. He pulls Jack tighter against his body and the almost chaste kisses become hungry and needy. Jack moans, partially in surprise and pleasure as he feels a tongue demanding entry. He complies and winces as the bitter taste of alcohol assaults his taste buds. He apparently doesn’t seem to mind too much as he soon responds to the exploring muscle with his own.

Jack inhales sharply though his nose as his back ruffly connects with a nearby brick wall. Things are suddenly starting to go a little to fast and he’s not sure if they should be doing this while his ex-boss is drunk. He tries to break the kiss and turn his head away as he reasons with the older man, “Hey, it’s kinda late…” In the absence of another mouth, Jarvis latches onto whatever exposed sections of neck he can find. “Maybe I should go. You should go home to.” Jack squirms as teeth scrape along the line of his pulse before biting down on the spot just below the corner of his jaw. Jack cries out at the sharp sensation, the bite’s hard enough to leave a mark for sure.

“Come back wiv me.” Jarvis mumbles as he trails back to Jack’s mouth and recaptures it in another searing kiss.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Jack mumbles against the others lips. “Hey!” He gasps as a hand delves into his shirt, ruff padded leather and metal edges scrape against his increasingly sensitive skin. It’s not entirely unpleasant and it forces a shiver down the boys spine, but they need to stop. Jack shoved the larger man just hard enough to push him back a step. He didn’t mean to come across as scathing, but the hand on his body retreats like it had been burned and the look on Jarvis’ face is suddenly far more sober and shocked.

Jack raises his hands apprehensively, as if expecting the other man to suddenly become violent or predatory. When he only stands there Jack speaks, “Sorry, I just don’t want to do this while…not when you’re like this.” Jarvis narrows his eyes as he processes the information. He didn’t want to continue with him like this? With him…oh.

“Do you think you can make it home?” Jack asks, voice oddly quiet. He frowned when he saw Jarvis practically sag with shame and rejection.

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” He began to turn away but stopped when Jack grabs his arm. He looks at Jack who looks like he’s about to say something. The boy remains silent though but doesn’t loosen his grip on Jarvis’ arm. Jarvis glares down at him, his frustration, embarrassment, and rejection amalgamating into plain anger.

“What!? Do you want it or not kid!?” Jack doesn’t flinch at the outburst, but he does let go of the others arm. “I don’t have patience for this. ‘m going home!” Jarvis turns sharply and stumbles pathetically over his discarded helmet. He manages to miraculously catch himself and kicks the offending gear in the direction of his home, following after it with mumbled slurs of Jack being a “tease” and a “piece of shit”.

Jack stares after him, a hurt look on his face and feeling guilty from having allowed things to get out of hand like they did. After making sure Jarvis was going to make it home without passing out in the street, he starts making his own way home, wondering not for the first time what he even sees in the old drunk that was worth his time to begin with. Images of the older man staring at him with pride and aw when he thought no one else had noticed flashed though his mind. Jack couldn’t help the smile that graced his face as he once again decides that it’s really not so bad.  
\----  
The morning rays drilled into his skull through his eye lids as he transitioned back into the world of wakefulness. His head pounded like a white hot drum and he grimaced as he tried to swallow through a mouth of cotton. He brought his forearms up to cover his face with a groan, feeling the cold hardness of steel on his left arm and coming to the realization that he had fallen asleep half dressed again. The coolness was a welcome relief to his sore head though so he chose not to complain. Jarvis laid there for a long while, trying to piece together the events of last night. He frowned when he remembered Jack bringing him home, and especially the nonsensical babble he had spouted. Great, people already poked fun at his habits, he didn’t need to add to it by dumping out his life secrets while giggling like a school girl.

Pushing past the ropes of embarrassment, he focused on solidifying the good feeling he had experienced while in the younger males presence. Tried to clarify the image of him smiling in amusement while he was still too hungover and groggy to feel ashamed or guilty. Tried to remember what his lips…wait a minute. Jarvis’ eyes shot open as he distinctly remembered kissing Jack at some point last night. He ignored the searing pain behind his eyes as he replayed it over and over again, hoping he had dreamt the event. He covered his face with his hands as he hissed out a string of expletives. Great, now he’d really fucked things up. How typical.

Frustrated, he grabbed the gauntlet still on his left hand and threw it across the room. Next followed the arm armor and he rolled onto his stomach as he searched blindly for the fastenings on the plates attached to his left leg. After kicking his last article of metal off, he pulled his blanket over his head and buried his face in his pillow. His head was on fire with regret and self loathing, and his stomach churned with nausea from his theatrics. He couldn’t have just been content with what was going on. He had been getting work, bringing in money, and on top of that was spending more time with Jack. Maybe it hadn’t been in the way he would have liked, but it was infinitely better than not spending time with him at all.

He dug through the hazy memory, hoping to find something salvageable about the situation. There where a lot of things missing, and what he did remember was muddled. He only remembered the initial kiss and the sensation of being pushed away. He also distinctly remember coming home feeling angry and upset. That could only mean he had been rejected. He shouldn’t be surprised, and really he wasn’t. What would the kid want with him anyway? Jack would be better off in the long run without him around, so maybe this was all for the best. At least that’s what he told himself, it didn’t stop his chest from aching so bad that he might throw up and it didn’t lessen how desperately he clung to his pillow for comfort. What was wrong with him? Getting so out of sorts over a kid? Pathetic…

The sound of knocking at his front door brought him out of his self deprecation. He lifted his face from his pillow and listened intently, wondering who could possibly be visiting him at this time. When a second set of knocks came he poked his head out from under the blanket and peered at the clock on his night stand. 10 am, he supposed it really wasn’t that early. Regardless no one ever came to his place unless he had urgent work, but honestly how long has it been since he got assigned anything so dire. Then again, what else could it be? He debated whether he wanted to bother taking it or ignore them. He supposed he really shouldn’t blow it off, he doubted Jack would be dragging him along anywhere anymore and he needed to take whatever source of income he could get now. 

A third knock came as he was slipping out of bed and scrounging for something other than the cloths he was still wearing from yesterday. This time the sound was more insistent and loud, sending a throbbing pain coursing tough his head. He forsook clean clothing and stormed out of the bedroom to finally answer the door.

“What, What!? Whatever it is can’t it wait?” He grumbled as he swung the door open. He hissed with discomfort as the bright morning sun seared, unhindered, into his retinas. He squinted at who ever was on the other side of the door way and felt his stomach leap when he found Jack standing there, dressed in his Wind garb armor and looking impatient.

“Finally, I thought you were gonna sleep all day, old man.” Jack teased, his annoyed expression being replaced with a snarky smile as he placed his hands on his hips. Jarvis could only stare, too shocked to even be annoyed with the boys baiting. “Well?” Jack continued, impatience returning. “Hurry up and get ready, we got work.” 

“Huh? Ah, r-right.” Normally he would have responded unfavorably to being ordered around like that, but Jarvis had lost the ability to feel anything other than shock in that moment. Jarvis turned to head back to his room for fresh cloths and his equipment. He failed to notice his helmet he had left haphazardly laying on the floor and tripped over it for the second time in less than 24 hours. This time he was sent sprawling and swearing to the floor, blushing with embarrassment and anger as Jack laughed.  
\----  
“Finally.” Jack teased from his seat on the bottom step. Jarvis was exiting his house, now freshly showered and dressed with his rebellious helmet wedged under his arm. He felt marginally more functional than he had when he woke up. He’d be detoxed enough by the time they got to work.

“What is this Job anyway?” He asked as he closed and locked his door. He was still reeling from the fact that Jack was even here to begin with. Surely he wouldn’t be that hard of a party member to replace, so why was he bothering to act like nothing had happened?

“Just a delivery mission.” Jack replied.

“You seriously woke me up for this?” Jarvis finally turned to glare down at the brunette who only shrugged in reply.

“You say that like you don’t need the money.” Jack easily caught the helmet as it was thrown at him, ignoring Jarvis’ claims that he didn’t need a child judging his financial state. Without saying anything, Jack stood up and walked the few steps to stand level with the older man. He shoved the head gear into the other mans chest, effectively shutting him up but not erasing the scowl on his face. His hand remained splayed against the the cold steel even after the other had grabbed hold of it. He seemed to be in deep thought as he stared blankly at it. Eventually he let his had slip down with a sigh and made eye contact.

“Hey Sarge, you remember anything about last night?” He finally asked. Now Jarvis was the one to refuse eye contact, instead staring at a particularly interesting scratch etched into the metal helmet clutched too tightly in his hands. He felt like a child caught doing something he shouldn’t and his mind warred against it’s self for how to answer. Was Jack looking for him to lie and say he didn’t so they could pretend it never happened? Should he consider himself lucky that Jack was willing to be so forgiving?

What if he said yes though? What if Jack really was interested? What if he could make something work? Briefly he entertained the sweet idea of a happy ending,. But no, there was no way he could be that lucky. He was sure he remembered the boy pushing him away, and even if he had somehow misconstrued things, he really shouldn’t. Jack was too young. Had too much going for him just to be dragged down by and old drunk.

“No…” He set his face to a neutral expression as he finally donned his helmet. “can’t say I remember too much. Nothing that stands out anyway.” It hurt to lie like this, with his chest and mind weighed down by what if’s and lost opportunity. But this was the right choice. He could live with it, he probably wouldn’t be happy with it, but he’d live and get over it. 

As he glanced back at Jack something caught his eye. Ignoring the boys protests, he grabbed him by the chin and tilted his head to the side to get a better look at the red and purple bite mark just under his jaw. Had he done that? He didn’t remember doing so. Who else could have though? Before he had thought they just kissed and parted ways when Jack rejected him. Had more happened that he didn’t remember. Jack was giving him an uncomfortable look now. He really needed to decide what to do next.

“I’m guessing I must be forgetting the unlucky girl that gave you this.” He patronized. He really probably should have come clean. Jack was staring at him with a look that said he knew the other was bullshitting. Instead of calling him out though, Jack responded in kind.

“Yeah, didn’t really get too far though. She was kind of a pissy little bitch.” It took every ounce of willpower not to punch the little shit in the face. The kid was damn lucky he was cute.

“Well, I suppose one receives what one gives.” He gave the boys face a light shove and bumped shoulders with him on his way down the steps. “Anyway, can we go now? You still gotta grab a couple more of your little friends right?” He crossed his arms and waited impatiently.

“Nah.” Jack practically leapt down the small stair case. “This’ll be easy. Honestly I could do it alone but I figured you might be strapped for cash. Considering how I had to pay off your tab.”

“That was one time.” Jarvis stormed after the younger Sergeant. “One time! I didn’t even ask you to. So stop holding it over my head!”

“Just promise me you won’t spend all my hard earned money on booze again OK?” Jack teased with a faux snobby flare that would almost put Anastasia to shame. 

“You are SO full of yourself.” Their bickering continued well after they had exited the city, though the exchange now was far more good natured than their harsh words and antagonizing tones would suggest. Jack laughed openly and without any hint that anything was up between them and despite the sour look on Jarvis’ face, he was now struggling to hide his own smile.

This was fine, Jarvis told himself, he could definitely live with this. They weren’t going to talk about it and they would both pretend nothing had happened. Nothing had to change and nothing was going to change. If he told himself enough he would eventually believe it. But in the back of his mind he still wondered what he was missing from his memory. Had Jack immediately pushed him away because he didn’t want him like that? Or was there a different reason?

He hadn’t realized they had both grown silent until Jack turned to look at him questioningly. The slight tilt of his head and the curiously cute quirk of his eyebrow and mouth had him blushing in seconds. He turned his head away in a poor attempt to hide the reddening hue in his face and slammed the door shut on his pondering. Wondering what things would be like if he had done them differently did no one any good. No being a coward was the choice he made and he would have to live with it, and maybe if he picked up his pace a little more, he could pretend he hadn’t seen out of the corner of his eye the look of disappointment that flashed across his friends face.


End file.
